In times of national crisis, such as the current floods in Sindh and Balochistan, I really feel for the victims. I keep thinking how they must be managing themselves.
I especially feel for the girls and women who would be menstruating. Your body’s natural process becomes a source of social embarasment and inconvenience. Such a trauma to be betrayed by your own body.
What can I do to help? I keep wondering. I’m an artist in a third world country. I can’t help financially. I’m badly compensated for the work I do. I can barely support myself.
I have to settle for jobs that suck my soul and creativity. I design for others but I work in cultures, routines and spaces not designed for me.
Should I volunteer on-site? I’m not a doctor. I can’t save people from dying. I’m just an observer.
Should I write something on my blog? Should I tell people about disaster trauma? But I’m not a psychologist. I’m just a blogger.
Should I think of ways to reduce floods in Pakistan? But I’m not an engineer. I’m just a thinker.
Should I make a documentary? Or take photographs? But then I’m just cashing in on the disaster. I hope I get to receive this cash one day. I’m just an opportunist.
Should I campaign for women’s health and body rights? But I’m not a government employee. I’m just an angry feminist.
My work is so insignificant. Sometimes I wonder if I’m even needed.
I could be everything. I could do something to help people right now. But I’m just an artist.
I’m just a narcissist. Sitting here, crying about my non-existent issues when people are homeless and dying.
People are hurting with every word I write and I can feel it because I’m highly sensitive. What can I do? I’ll send the victims love. Or reiki healing. Like that will solve anything. I’m just a weirdo.
Maybe I’ll write a poem. About how small and powerless I feel in this moment. Maybe it will touch someone’s heart. Maybe someone will say how powerful my words are.
Maybe I’ll make a drawing in my sketchbook. I might make a few. Maybe they might end up in a history schoolbook or anywhere else they are meant to go.
Maybe an idea I have will inspire a new innovation in education, engineering or medicine. Maybe I will create a new type of expression. Maybe I will create a new form of therapy.
Maybe, somebody, I won’t have people asking me if my career is real.
Maybe, somebody, I will give without thinking.
Maybe, somebody, I will be more than just an artist.
By Jabeen Qadri
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About the writer
Hi. I'm Jabeen. I'm a social practice artist, writer, art therapy and meditation facilitator, trying to bring teachings of healing arts into modern day life. I'm currently enrolled in Masters of Art and Design degree and training in Japanese Usui Reiki healing method.
